Imperfect Triathlete

 

What do you do when a really cute outfit catches your eye at the store and then you pick it up off the rack and admire it from top to bottom.  You are ready to go try it on or you are just going to buy it because you experienced a moment of instant love and then you find a tag that reads "IMPERFECT".  You have to scan again to find the flaw.  Do you look at the item in the same way?  Do you put it back on the rack?  Or does your desire to fix it or overlook its flaws prevent you from letting it go?




Surrounded by so much perfection, I am struggling to stay afloat in this community of sculpted bodies that are pushed to their limits.  I am almost perfect in many ways.  I don't drink (unless I am in Wine Country), I don't smoke, and I don't rat my hair (which stands up on its own), but I am flawed (we don't have to go into the gory details).  The way I feel today as a triathlete is inadequate.  The pressure we place on ourselves feels too great to bare at times to get stronger, to get leaner, to get faster, or to go longer.  Today, I question why I did not leave things in there place and just be content with ONE Ironman finish which was very close to MY PERFECT DAY.  How likely will that day ever come again?  Especially from the state my body and mind are in at this moment just 31 weeks away from another 140.6 miles.

I feel lost and falling back in time to a period where awkwardness and trying to become comfortable in one's own skin seems to be overshadowing my progress.  A feeling of panic and insecurity is beginning to set in as I feel like I can no longer catch up.  My body is not reacting to the workload as I would like it to.  Usually when the miles start adding up, my body takes a hint and starts to remold itself.  This feeling extends beyond triathlon and into my daily life.  I am certain others that I see as being perfect on the outside have their own imperfections that they are dealing with on the inside.

All the more reason to finish this mission as this moment in time is just a test to determine if I can overlook the imperfections and push forward.  My body is tired and sore as the foundation is being layed.  Yesterday I decided to take my run on the trails as I think we need to put a leash on intensity when there are still 7 full months of training to go.  I was tested mentally and physically over 10 miles of ups and downs.  It was a fitness test to reveal where I stand and a review in problem solving how to get back home and which path you choose at each intersection.  There were a lot of extended walk breaks with a lot of internal fights to continue.  There were several opportunities to turn back or take a different path.  I wanted to, but I did not surrender.  We take ourselves on many battles during this journey and we may not win each one, but replenishing ammunition, using strategy and tactics, and re-routing as needed can lead to victory.

As the yogis' teach, "accept who you are at this moment".  Embrace the turtle in you and release the outcome.  Place trust in the process and care for yourself each day allowing your wing buds to develop and maybe turtles will fly again.  Striving to be better is admirable, but it is ok to be imperfect.  I am certain perfection comes at a high cost.  Save your money and make enjoyment and satisfaction a priority.  Take the IMPERFECT item home even if ALL SALES ARE FINAL!  You can still get a lot of joy from the item you fell in love with at first sight.  Take it home and make something out of it.

Bipolar: I TRI-ed but I CAN'T GET UP!

This week, I put in almost 11 hours and 85 miles worth of work mostly by increasing my bike mileage and squeezing a hike in at the end of the week.  Although I am happy to be tri-ing again, I was reminded of the extreme highs and lows one experiences during training and it made me think about triathlon as a mood disorder.  I am "high" when I am in motion, but "low" after the effects of the workout wear off.



The high is most likely due to the production of the feel good drugs that are released during endurance work and the low could be the production of waste products that accumulate in the muscles and the shortening of the muscles, making moving hard to do.  I think this could also be referred to as the TRI HANGOVER or TRANGOVER.  What happens in Triathlon should stay in Triathlon! But I can't help but to write about it.


I thought about the people in this community and how I don't fit the typical profile of being lean, light and hyperactive.  There are people who can't get enough of the hippity high and are out there running, swimming, biking, hiking, striking a pose, sprinting, weight lifting, cross fitting, and jumping over fire NON STOP.  I don't know if everyone experiences the Low or if some athletes just choose not to come down.

Perhaps, I am so at the beginning of reaching a base level to JUMP HIGHER and this is just the lonely dirt road one has to take to maintain a high longer or maybe I am just a mere mortal that has occasional highs followed by lows.  When I figure it out, maybe I won't have to take 3 hour naps after 3 hour workouts.

Looking ahead, I am excited to be pointing my vessel (body) in the right direction with the following weeks filled with lots of adventures.  In the next 12 weeks there are races, rides, and hikes planned to build a strong base for the next Ironman Adventure in September.  It will not be without lows, but I am most certainly looking forward to the high moments along the way and their after glow.

This weekend, I felt as though I was outside of my body watching my friends pedal far in front of me and thinking about what it is going to take to get my mind to join my body and how to tune up my engine and what it will feel like when everything is in sync again.

I am weaning from physical therapy and ready to add some more strength and flexibility onto the schedule to get stronger.  My first race of the season is in 8 weeks.  I crave the feeling of freedom and flight for 3 hours at the Marquee Olympic Distance triathlon.  So time to push past the pain, soreness, and fatigue and climb the next peak even if it requires more ups and downs to get there.  I am also excited to add more hiking to my schedule to prepare for a Grand Canyon adventure with my family.  I think this will add strength and power to my stride as well as provide mental clarity for what lies ahead.

Last night I was reminded about turning 50 with style, dignity and class as I attended a friend's 50th birthday party and the question circulated around the room about "what are you going to do for your 50th" and I was reminded why I signed up for the next big race as a birthday gift to myself.  So I better peel myself off the couch and GO SHOPPING for all the parts needed to put on a great show!

The Frugal Triathlete: Balancing the Budget

                    
Why did you start to TRI?  Back in the day when I got hooked on running and went on a marathon binge, if someone asked me why I felt the need to run 26.2 miles, I would reply because "I CAN".  Then when I spent a number of years trying to get back into shape and was unable to run because of chronic pain, those words became even more meaningful.  I would swim because it was something I could do without a lot of discomfort.  I remember meeting a triathlete at the pool who told me he had suffered years of back pain and had surgery and was able to rise again and compete and become an Ironman.  He had given me the gift of hope that day.  I finally invested in a road bike and I started cross training.  I initially was falling in love with cycling and would sprinkle it was running here and there.  Swimming was always my GO TO sport to fill in the gaps for fitness and recovery.  I quickly discovered if I changed the activity each day, my body was tolerating an increase in activity and fitness level.  I was just so happy to be in motion again.  One of my secret powers is being a SHAPE SHIFTER and cross training would surely help me enjoy a healthier life.  Maybe I would be an Ironman some day too.   Instead of asking WHY tri, the question turned into WHY NOT?

I signed up for my first Sprint triathlon which quickly turned into an Olympic, and so and so on as most Ironman stories go.   Then, I joined a team, hired a coach, and the spending spree began.  What went from my original motto of "fitness for free" turned into a year long "buy your way to the finish line".  For those that don't know what it costs to do an Ironman on top of blood, sweat and tears, the sport can easily tap into your retirement account.  Spend it now as you never know if you are going to get to later!

• Ironman Race Entry: 600-800 non refundable paid in full in advance
• Race fees:  Training Races en route to Ironman: ave 100-200 per race depending on distance
• Travel Expenses:  gas, airfare, car rental, hotel, food, bike transport
• EQUIPMENT
• Bike: bike, tire, tubes, CO2 cartridges, lights, helmet, shoes, pedals, nutrition, hydration, water bottles, maintenance and tune ups, socks, bike clothes, gloves, winter and rain gear, sunglasses
• Running: road shoes, trail shoes, socks, hydration system, running clothes, hat, 
• Swimming:  wet suit, swim suits, caps, goggles, training tools
• Weight Training and Yoga:  Mat, Balls, Straps, Blocks, Weights, Resistance Cords
• Transition Bags, Towels, Race Belts, Trisuits
• Coaching:  Monthly Training Plans, Membership Fees, Sport Specific Coaching for Bike, Run, Swim, Nutrition, Sports psychologist, Training Camps, Workshops
• Medical Expenses:  doctor visits, therapy, massage
• Other

A triathlete easily spends 10 grande a year to get the to finish line of an Ironman.  However, after the first time, I made some changes and decided to prioritize these expenses.  I feel like I am the frugal triathlete as my peers are quick to spend top dollar on the latest and greatest bike, wetsuit, races and coaching plan as I sit back and watch the exchange of currency.  I still occasionally overindulge, but if you need to, I do believe you can balance your triathlon budget.  Here are the things I am trying this year to lower my costs.

 

1. I joined a Triathlon Club in lieu of a private club/team cost 80 dollars per year.
2. I decreased the total number of races that I am entering or I attend my club meetings and hope to win free entry to events (awesome perk of my tri club as they have supported me in several races over the past year).  I volunteer at races that I do not enter to still feel a part of the local tri community and to give back.
3. I am waiting until my ship sinks to replace my wetsuit (beside I love my starter wetsuit, it has NEVER failed me and as superstition has it I am afraid I will lose my super powers in the water if I make a change).
4. I take advantage of discounts offered on race entries, travel, equipment discounts (another perk of belonging to a tri club are sponsor discounts)
5. Purchase tubes and nutrition products in bulk 
6. Attend as many FREE CLINICS offered by local coaches and clubs
7. Free online training programs and books (I love Joe Friel and Training Peaks)
8. Sports Specific Coaching:  I seek out coaching for individual sports who are highly experienced coaches to maximize my time and money spent in this area.  Shop around for the coach the best fits your needs and budget.
9. GO PRO:  Self Coaching and including the family in the process:  Will be having my son film me with his GO PRO and analyze my own technique or share that with my coaches.
10.  Buy lottery Tickets!

I might be frugal, but if I do live to see my retirement, it will be nice to still have some money in the bank.  Besides, I have a kid to send to college and my husband joined in the craziness and is racing on his bike this year too (luckily he only has one sport to pay for).

Putting the budget triathlon training to the test this week.  Having my schedule planned out on Training Peaks has helped me get back on track.  It is very cool software that allows me to develop my own plan and hold myself accountable and track my progress.  I enjoy working with my coach very much (MYSELF).  I enjoy the freedom and flexibility.  This is not the way to go for everyone, but having the schedule written out on training peaks feels very similar to a coach sending you a plan.  This week I completed all but one of my workouts (and the day is still young).  I increased to 3 workouts in all 3 disciplines this week and am slowly recouping my lost base.  I am still the SHAPE SHIFTER and hoping to get my fitness back to a level that I can shift in the right direction.  My neck is improving and continuing with therapy for a few more weeks.  There is still a lot of building to do in strength, flexibility and power.

In closing, I am thankful for the people around me every day as doing a training plan on your own is one thing, but being surrounded by others for support is a necessary component to success.  It is amazing to belong to a triathlon club and be in  a sport where you make new friends every week.  My TRI life is RICH even if it is on a budget!!!!!!  I am ONE wealthy triathlete!
                    

Double Trouble: Week of Two's

Not much to report this week, but it seemed to be the week of twos:  2 bike rides, 2 swims, 2 runs and 2 hikes, and 2 teams playing football (though it only seemed like 1 team playing)!  I guess an uneventful week is positive news.  My therapy went well this week, however, Monday is the day where the week catches up to me and the weekend of training, causes all my muscles to shorten back up.  I even tried yoga this weekend to try and elongate my shortened muscles and work on regaining symmetry in my body.

Between my workouts, therapy and yoga class, there are many obvious areas screaming out at me where I need a lot of work and it is back to basics to work on strength and flexibility.  I don't think an Ironman at age 50 is going to work without focusing on these areas this year, especially with the whiplash injury.  The other area is going to be massage which I will turn to once I finish with my physical therapy.

Though I hoped to be further along in my training at this point, I am glad I still have time to work on building a stronger foundation before ramping things up.  My goals may have to be modified as far as PRs go to getting to the start line healthy and strong.

Just like in the Superbowl last night, the losing team must hold their heads up high, evaluate what went wrong, rest and recoup and move on to next season.  If we are lucky, there will be another chance to try again!

TAKE 4 (5, 6, 7....), LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION!

Whatever "TAKE" I am on this week, we turn the lights on, point the camera, and begin shooting again until we get this film moving in the right direction.  Ironman Training is very much like a movie production.  Somebody researches the latest and greatest strategies for preparation, conditioning, training, nutrition, and equipment.  Then the writers put together the "SCRIPT" aka training plan.  The headline athlete is cast as the lead actor with her teammates as the supporting actors and other training partners stand in as EXTRAS whenever they are called upon.  There are many other important people that help create this master piece including designers for the set, lighting, costumes, and sound effects. You get the picture!   The director and producer are the key players who makes sure everything comes together and have to think quickly on their feet to maneuver around obstacles that pop up along the way.  The actual filming of the story requires a support crew with coaches, family, triathlon club, mechanics, doctors, therapists, and nutritionist that come to the set as needed.  The filming occurs in different locations.  It is not a linear journey as scenes are always being edited, cut, re-written, re-shot until the images start to come together to form a finished product to show off to the world.  The race will be the RED CARPET EVENT where athletes come in their most glamorous tri kit with their shiny bikes and escorted by their favorite sherpas.  Reaching the finish line is just the beginning of the AFTER PARTY.

It takes a village to build an Ironman.  I have heard that the second time around will never be as sweet as THE FIRST.  I threw my whole being into the experience: Train, Prepare, and Perform like being ROBO TRIATHLETE.  The side effects were amazing including a level of fitness that I had never achieved previously, a new group of friends that were like no others, endless fun and laughter (and maybe a few tears), self control and self discipline.  It is a thrill of a life time to set a lofty goal and see it through, but the feelings do not last forever and nor does the fitness.

This time around I decided I needed to be less self absorbed in the process and more self motivated and focused.  I will take what I have learned and surround myself with others and be the director, producer, and designer of the sequel.  My husband is training for a big bike ride which turns out to be the same weekend as my Ironman.  So we are trying to balance training, parenting, and family.  Our kids are only in our homes for so many years before they leave the nest and although our son is more independent, I don't want to miss out on the time that I have.

I am still receiving PT, but my therapist is a cyclist and encouraged me to begin moving again as part of the healing process.  So this week included: 2-30 min spins on the trainer and an hour ride out on the road, a 20 min and 45 min run and 90 min hike, and 2-30 min swims plus lots of neck and back exercises.  Tomorrow I go back for follow up post concussion testing and I am hoping on a green light to move forward on making this movie.

35 weeks remaining for movie production!  ROLL 'EM!

Paying Off Debts of Gratitude

Well today I spent the day paying it back, that is the debt I have accumulated over the past few years of people supporting my racing addiction.  Today you could say I consolidated my debt and tried to pay back the gratitude I have for as many people as I could fit in while juggling between 3 different events at the PF Changs Rock N Roll event in AZ.

I was cheering for my sister in law who returned to AZ to complete her first half marathon after being a spectator at many events for my family.  I was cheering for a few people in my neighborhood who were either logging another race or doing their first today.  I was cheering for many folks from my old and new Triathlon Groups.  The most special cheer today came for Team Wylder and meeting the people who have committed to Run for Rare Diseases and Honor a little friend of mine.  I met some new people. I saw some old friends.

I had to figure out how to fit everyone in during 5 hours of racing on 3 separate courses.  When I woke up this morning, I revised my plan so I could try and pay back a little love to everyone.  I went to the second mile on the Half and Mini Marathon Course.  First I met the father of a triathlete who just relocated to AZ with a new pro card.  I gave him some contacts for his son and watched his son fly by when the front of the pack came through.  Watching herds of runners and walkers pass by me for over an hour, I got to see the new fashion trends.  Neons are back in for shirts and compression socks.  And the tutu is popular for both men and women.  The homeless shelter is going to be warm tonight as by mile 2, many participants were shredding layers and throwing them on the side of the road.  Those items get donated to charity which is another good deed that comes out of a big event like this one.  Warm bodies of runners warm the hearts of strangers (Nice).  After I saw the last of the recipients of my payment, I headed for my car to maneuver to the finish line.  I was able to park across the street from the finish line but had to continue to follow the maze to get to my desired stake out spot.  I went to the 20K point where all 3 events were merging together less than a mile away from the finish line.  This way, I could try to see all my half marathon people and marathoners at the same time.  Finally I sped to the finish area and met up with the T-gen people who were running for Rare Diseases and Team Wylder.

There was a special tent city for all the organizations that had teams that participated to raise awareness and find cures for different medical diagnoses or to support participation of challenged athletes.  It donned on me that running has grown into a sport that is about so much more than the run.  People have used running to help fight disease, raise awareness for thousands of causes, and to promote inclusion and participation in sport by anyone that desires the opportunity.  It is not like professional sports where they can write a check to charity, but people pour their hearts and souls into something meaningful to them.  Some people are on the course for there own agenda like health, fitness, competition while others are there for support, comradery, or fighting a battle together by reaching out to the community.

Whatever the reason, I am proud to be a part of this community and though I often use endurance sport to better myself, I think it enriches the lives of some and unites many.  I was very happy to have the opportunity to tip my hat off to my peers, my neighbors, my team mates and to total strangers who were out there inspiring others.

The support from others to help one cross the finish line is not a debt that is easy to pay back, but it is certainly nice to try.  I am grateful for those that make this lifestyle possible and for those that are there for me when I am on the sidelines or crossing the finish.  I feel pride in watching others make things happen to achieve their goals since I know what is involved.

Congrats to all of those people who did something great today and for all the people that make it possible.

Panic Attack Yack Yack!

 
In the past, I have blogged on a weekly basis, but I am going to try and write more frequently.  Last night I was awoken by a feeling of constriction in my neck.  It seemed to get worse and I was trying to figure out what was happening (a typical physical therapist, always assessing the situation and signs and symptoms of my "state").  The past 3 weeks had been filled with anxiety over the motions which trigger dizziness every time I moved around in bed.  I had grown accustomed to these short spins around my bedroom as I had come to learn they would pass, but my body was always on alert and my brain was not getting adequate rest.  My therapist finally seemed to crack the code on Wednesday and we may have kicked Vertigo in the butt! (knock on wood). 48 hours spin free.  Life is Good!  Well, with that piece of the puzzle solved, all the neck and jaw pain seemed to return...it was just lurking underneath.  I was relieved it was finally time to address the Cervical Dysfunction portion of this so called Post Concussion Syndrome that has been haunting my body.

Despite having relief on the way in a few hours, I woke up in the middle of the night to discomfort in my neck jaw, neck and throat so I woke my husband up to warn him to be on watch as I shook and shivered.  I told him I was not certain what was happening, but let's wait it out.  I asked him to GOOGLE "Panic Attack" as I thought this might be what I was experiencing.  I did not want to seem naive as I knew these could be symptoms of something more serious, but if I did not pass out, stop breathing or die, I think we could go with Panick Attack. I apologized to him for all my bad behavior and talked about "the end" incase it was pending and within 10 minutes I was calm and joking, but my poor husband now had to bear the burden of worry and try to get back to sleep.

I finally fell asleep when my alarm went off to go to PT.  I was not sure why my doctor referred me to this specific therapist but I had checked to see if he was skilled in the techniques my doctor requested and then that morning I read more about him on their website for reassurance that I was going to the right place.  I was comforted to find an article on Whiplash and that the therapist was a cyclist.  But when I met him, I knew he was the person I had been waiting for to help me get BACK IN ACTION (and that is also the name of the clinic).  Did I mention that he was a cyclist!  I put my trust in him and when someone tells you with certainty that you are in the right place and they can help you, your faith is restored.  I only wish I would have started with him on this journey, but I am glad I landed in his clinic and I do believe he is going to get me back on track.  I don't expect a miracle, but I am more hopeful then I have been that this is all going to turn out in my favor.

So after a very thorough assessment, some major crunching of my cervical spine, and some mobilization and stretching techniques and some activities for home.  I left with renewed hope.  We agreed that I should try to build back up to 25% of where I was prior to the PCS and a slow return to work.  I also got a call from work that they found a therapist to come in and help with my caseload to remove some of the burden as my job is quite physical with lifting, bending and moving.

With a yellow light to proceed with caution, I met a friend for a walk and lunch and then my training buddy came over to work on some swim skills.  I don't think it was a GET OUT OF JAIL FOR FREE CARD, but maybe a One day pass.  I think there is going to be some work involved to be released from this prison for good, but I am so happy I have got to see daylight and so grateful not to see stars and planets rotating above my head.

Now the test will be to see how my night goes and what tomorrow brings.  It is great to get out of bed or lie on the floor without having to think about it and I look forward to hopping on my bike soon without worrying if I will be able to balance on 2 wheels again.  As a triathlete it is important to understand your body so you can get it to agree with your commands, but too much thought can provoke the opposite effect where the body overrides the mind's control.