Imperfect Triathlete

 

What do you do when a really cute outfit catches your eye at the store and then you pick it up off the rack and admire it from top to bottom.  You are ready to go try it on or you are just going to buy it because you experienced a moment of instant love and then you find a tag that reads "IMPERFECT".  You have to scan again to find the flaw.  Do you look at the item in the same way?  Do you put it back on the rack?  Or does your desire to fix it or overlook its flaws prevent you from letting it go?




Surrounded by so much perfection, I am struggling to stay afloat in this community of sculpted bodies that are pushed to their limits.  I am almost perfect in many ways.  I don't drink (unless I am in Wine Country), I don't smoke, and I don't rat my hair (which stands up on its own), but I am flawed (we don't have to go into the gory details).  The way I feel today as a triathlete is inadequate.  The pressure we place on ourselves feels too great to bare at times to get stronger, to get leaner, to get faster, or to go longer.  Today, I question why I did not leave things in there place and just be content with ONE Ironman finish which was very close to MY PERFECT DAY.  How likely will that day ever come again?  Especially from the state my body and mind are in at this moment just 31 weeks away from another 140.6 miles.

I feel lost and falling back in time to a period where awkwardness and trying to become comfortable in one's own skin seems to be overshadowing my progress.  A feeling of panic and insecurity is beginning to set in as I feel like I can no longer catch up.  My body is not reacting to the workload as I would like it to.  Usually when the miles start adding up, my body takes a hint and starts to remold itself.  This feeling extends beyond triathlon and into my daily life.  I am certain others that I see as being perfect on the outside have their own imperfections that they are dealing with on the inside.

All the more reason to finish this mission as this moment in time is just a test to determine if I can overlook the imperfections and push forward.  My body is tired and sore as the foundation is being layed.  Yesterday I decided to take my run on the trails as I think we need to put a leash on intensity when there are still 7 full months of training to go.  I was tested mentally and physically over 10 miles of ups and downs.  It was a fitness test to reveal where I stand and a review in problem solving how to get back home and which path you choose at each intersection.  There were a lot of extended walk breaks with a lot of internal fights to continue.  There were several opportunities to turn back or take a different path.  I wanted to, but I did not surrender.  We take ourselves on many battles during this journey and we may not win each one, but replenishing ammunition, using strategy and tactics, and re-routing as needed can lead to victory.

As the yogis' teach, "accept who you are at this moment".  Embrace the turtle in you and release the outcome.  Place trust in the process and care for yourself each day allowing your wing buds to develop and maybe turtles will fly again.  Striving to be better is admirable, but it is ok to be imperfect.  I am certain perfection comes at a high cost.  Save your money and make enjoyment and satisfaction a priority.  Take the IMPERFECT item home even if ALL SALES ARE FINAL!  You can still get a lot of joy from the item you fell in love with at first sight.  Take it home and make something out of it.