Filling a Void/Rebirth of a Human

The question continues to pop up of  "why".  Why are you on this journey?  Why did you sign up for the AZ IM?  Why did you sign up when you thought you knew how to swim, but you really didn't?  You thought you could ride the Purple Chameleon, but you are wasting a lot of energy and you are asking for trouble?  Why do you need to validate your worth through a silly medal?  Why, why, why!?!!?!

And then I remind myself of why I made this decision, because for one moment, I decided WHY NOT?  And so I am on this journey because the question is no longer why, but why not.  No matter how many times I will have to remind myself.  A time when I have permission to use a "negative", the word "not".

I find myself asking how do my team-mates follow the plan day in and day out.  What is it that keeps them going each day and for wanting more, more, more.  I am finding that despite my body being exhausted, it has started to crave more.  Not only more miles, harder workouts, and more facebook friends, but more of the energy that is filling an empty void in my life.

Going through the daily motions of life, we often lose our selves.  I was out with my friend the other night and I apologized for talking so much about my training and hoped that she could bare with me for 9 more months and she responded that she enjoyed seeing me passionate about something.  Ah ha, that is what was missing...PASSION.  A true love and desire that keeps one moving with energy from day to day.  Passion can zap you, but it keeps you accelerating.  I believe that this journey has giving me new purpose in my life and for that I am grateful.

In reality, there is a cost....time (the hours driving to group workouts, the workouts themself, the time away from family), money (bike parts, bikes, bike shoes, running shoes, clothes, goggles, gels, electrolytes, race fees, gas, travel, you get the pic), and energy (effort you can spend at any given moment). 

Next there is RE-EDUCATION.  Taking old motor programs and throwing them in the trash and trying to learn new motor programs.  Re-programming the body and mind.  Keeping the old frame, but replacing it with new parts just like my road bike.

Thus the total is a re-birth of a human.  One that is no longer alone, one that connects with people at different levels, one that looks at her family with love, admiration and appreciation, one that is willing to work harder, one that has to be open to change, one who has to accept feedback, one that is fitter, faster, stronger and just better overall.  That is the product that will be crossing the finish line in November, somone renewed, somone who looks familiar, but is different.  That is WHY I hope to be an Ironman.  Why Not?  Right.

From the Iron Turtle