This past week has been the toughest week both physically and mentally since signing up for Ironman. We are getting so close to the start line yet the stakes are getting higher as the days melt away. I had a flashback to the book I received and devoured last Christmas called YOU ARE AN IRONMAN by Jacques Steinberg as each athlete that was followed in the book faced roadblocks along their journey and especially closer to the start. The suspense of whether each athlete was going to make it to the start kept you turning the pages. As most IMITs have learned by now, signing up a year in advance does not come with insurance or any guarantees that you will make it to the start line (though I highly recommend that IRONMAN corporation start selling insurance for their races so their athletes can recoup some of their losses...although I have learned that the steep entry fee is the least of your costs for the year).
I am at the point where the training is taking a toll on my body which can be contagious like a rapidly spreading virus that tries to spread to your mind. I have been dealing with arm and shoulder pain and just really sore and tired muscles that do not seem to be rebounding. For the most part, it does not stop me from putting the miles in, but you can get caught up into a vicious cycle. I suppose I would not be human if I did not get stuck "down" in one of the Valleys. This weekend was an example of testing limits. A six hour bike ride could not get me down. I am strong and I have done the mileage before. Add a little heat to the mix with IM cocktails and snacks and you can get a violent reaction in your stomach, your personal cooling system and then your mind. I had an enjoyable 4 hours of riding through some rural AZ roads. We were fortunate not to be amongst the group that got chased by a pack of dogs. We had good sag support during that time. Then we were heading back to the park where we started on some rolling hills. My stomach was overstocked and I was waiting for that moment where I would upchuck cliff bars, Gu chomps, salt sticks and my secret formula on my bike Scottie. I have read about athletes getting sick on their bike, but have never experienced it first hand. In the meantime, it was getting hot and I was having back pain, burning in my feet, tightness in my adductors and empty legs in addition to the growing nausea. When we got back to the parking lot we still had 90 minutes to go and the sag vehicle was not there and so we continued to the rolling hill section. I was suffering and my face could not hide it. On the uphill return ride, I was pedaling on empty legs with no gas and worried about my overheated body. I had a moment where I let out a cry (as much as an IMIT could release with dried up tears due to dehydration) and the thought of unclipping and pulling over on the side of the road took over my mind. I knew I needed to cool down somehow and I was hopeful sag vehicle would be in the parking lot so I could get some cold fluid and so somehow I had to leave my body (separation of body and mind) and just continue. The yellow truck was now in sight and I was able to pull out my cold water bottle and dump part of it on my body and drink the rest. I was revived enough to find a flatter section to try and complete the 6 hours. I had a short surge of energy and then some cramping in the adductors (nothing like being kicked when you are already down...the Ironman Gods were certainly testing me). When my clock hit 90 miles, I decided to call it a day. Most of my other team mates got 95 to 100 miles in but my official BONK the last hour fried my body and mind. During that time the questions pop into your mind of WHY and HOW and WHAT IF. I was all set to go on the 2 mile run that was on our schedule to work on transition and my coach asked me how the ride went and I replied, everything that could go wrong today, did and she benched me from the run even though I said I could do it. She decided that I had enough that day and it was time to stop. That came as a surprise because Ironman is about overcoming those moments, but I guess we are saving that for the day when it really counts.
I spent the rest of the day nursing an upset stomach and trying to refuel because the next morning I had a 16 mile run. I decided to do another run with just me, myself and I because I really did not want to bring anyone else down with me. I took it slow because that was the only speed in my body that was working. My muscles were still empty and my stomach had settled but was still reliving some of the day before. It was more an exercise in strengthening the mind so it can overcome or ignore fatigue and keep going. I felt really low at the end, because most IMITs do what they do because they have enough moments where they love the feeling of moving their bodies through the water and air with speed and wind...this just was not one of those days. I felt a bit discouraged because when I look around at my teammates who are doing the same training, they look strong and they seem to have gained a lot of speed. In looking inward, I find that I am returning to my routes of being a TURTLE and that my wing buds are damaged and not growing into the wings that will make me fly.
If I work hard enough, I can get out of this valley. I have made it this far, how hard could 49 more days of training be. GIVING UP is NOT an OPTION here. I decided to finish my weekend with our group swim at ASU because my shoulders seemed to be moving better and were painfree for the moment, so after debating with myself, I drove the 30 minutes to go swim. Our coach just had us swim 100s and work on form. My arms felt looser after having a very aggressive massage on Friday and using compression wear, Dr. Hoys, and stretching. It was just what I needed to put out the fire that had been burning in me and quiet my mind (if only for an hour). All was good. I got to spend a little time with my family and went to movie and dinner later that night. It is so hard not to have energy to be 100% present and feel like you are missing out, but I am lucky that we are a tough bunch and we will make it to the start. For my less fortunate friends who's injuries have sidelined them, I will take your spirit and strength with me and try to make it to the start for all of us and your time will come later. I guess I have slacked off on mental training and this was just a little reminder that you your body and mind have to work together or be strong enough to take over when one is depleted.
Today is REST and tomorrow is back to training. I thought I was ready but this was just a wake up call that there is more work to do. Time to start climbing out of the valley and reach the peak on November 18th.
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